World renown feminist...Valkyrie of the Russian Revolution...Alexandra Kollontai
In early twentieth century Russia an unexpected relationship began between Alexandra Kollontai and a sailor of the Imperial Russian Fleet. That is how history shares the meso-alliance which shocked the enlightened minority. Who was this sailor? Well, he was no ordinary sailor...the sailors name was Pavel Dybenko and he was the "soul" and leader of the freely elected and most democratic organization in Russia called Tsentrobalt.
Coming soon is the whole story of the love affair.
For now the readers get to enjoy a snippet of Kollontai's diary from February 7 & 8th, 1922. One of the worlds leading feminist shares her grief and pines for her man Dybenko.
Enjoy,
It's late at night around 6am, where are you Pavluysha, where are you my close friend and yet so far away right now...is it possible that your heart, your love for me doesn't tell you how hard is it to listen hour after hour to the steps in the corridor
I know the night is almost gone and we have so few of them Pavluysha.
Night is not only for kisses...the value isn't in the kisses for us.
But in the communication of the heart that is so valuable for both of us.
The night is passing but, in my soul, there is cold.
I am lonely...horribly in pain.
Where are you? Why don't you appreciate the hours that we could have together?
No, I know I trust in your love in its depth. I know that i am closer and more precious to you than anyone else in the world and precisely for this reason because we mean so much to each other, I write this letter.
I don't want the pain that lurches me now to happen again my kind Pavluysha. I love our great and beautiful love too much not to want to keep it. But I know the loves of love too well and that harm will always leave a trace. That is why I am writing to you my beloved sweetness, my big boy.
I am in pain Pavluysha, I suffer so I can leave when you leave and and I don't know where you go...the most painful is not knowing what keeps you away from me...I think and I think...in the long night hours the imagination works feverishly...I start guessing...making suppositions
What would you say Pavluysha if I came toward this and after a day or two started mysteriously disappearing for a night? Just imagine this and maybe you will then understand my struggle.
Where are you?
There are two options, either at the club with friends or else there is another love interest...some flirt. Pavluysha dear, you should understand that I know too much about life and psychology to suffer. If I heard directly from you that yes now you have a flirt what will that be? Special? Unusual? Would it take away your love or lessen it? Of course not! Understand Pavluysha that will not affect me. But that you may be constructing a plot with strangers a secret agreement, secret from me, this is really painful.
I note the fact that women are fascinated by you and you like it. Let them be smitten by my beautiful Pavel! I know he is mine...I note the fact your physical needs might push you to it, all of that is understandable, and thus, not to touch me what is painful Pavluysha is this I see that you fear telling me directly. Pavluysha, I know a few women and right now one interests me, amuses me, I am going to her don't wait for me...I will be back in the morning. But you are in my heart, I will smile and feel your trust in me and it will be light, the agreement between us two and not with some lady stranger...but now that is not how it is now that you live secretly. Like a thief, and you remain silent, as for me, I don't ask questions and I suffer by myself and you know it!...and our suffering grows.
(Letters and diary entries written by Alexandra Kollontai...marking the release of "Love with Obstacles" {Amor Rojo), Red Love...edited by Dora Garcia{Berlin: K. Verlag, 2020)
https://soundcloud.com/user-651742369-770075499/amor-rojo-kollontai-olgadesoto
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